This post was most recently updated on May 17th, 2015
Whoo! Got your attention, didn’t I? You naughty thing … Well, maybe you’re not naughty. Maybe you’re just like me – a mom/business owner/wife who doesn’t have as much time/freedom/privacy to partake in the, um, more romantic parts of your relationship as you did several years and four kids ago. And maybe, like me, you find yourself thinking, from time to time, “Wouldn’t it be nice …?”
When my husband and I were first together, I never gave much thought to the luxury of freedom. We went where we wanted to go, when we wanted to go there and did what we wanted – it was just that simple. And even after we had our first child, it was still pretty much the same. Obviously there were changes in our relationship and our lifestyle, but since the baby had his own bedroom, hubby and I still had our privacy when we wanted. And when sweet baby girl number one came along, she had her own room so the privacy was still intact for Mama and Daddy. But when we moved into our current house, the privacy we had so taken for granted for years – disappeared. We lost a bedroom, a bathroom, a finished basement and a fenced in yard. Less than a year later, we gained another person in the family. And then another person. We added some bedrooms, finished (partially – this is a work in progress) the basement, but this little house is definitely lacking in privacy. And what does that mean for Mama and Daddy?
It means no more romantic evenings, listening to music and making out on the couch. Because it’s a real mood killer when the Big Kid comes upstairs to go to the bathroom or get a drink and starts making disgusted noises over having to “witness the grossness that you two are perpetrating” when we kiss. It means no more sexy daytime fun behind the closed master bedroom door because you never know when the six year old is going to get mad at her big sister and come knocking, demanding that someone “tell her that she’s not the boss of me and to get out of my room!” Gone are the days of sweet talk in the kitchen while fixing a meal … there’s always someone lurking by the refrigerator, ready to be repulsed by words of love or the ever-repellant public displays of affection. Exclamations of “ewwww!” “gross!” “oh, my eyes!” echo through the house if Daddy is caught giving Mama a little love squeeze on the tush (or anywhere else), or a kiss and a nuzzle that might have me giggling just a little too loudly.
I’ve been told that, despite their protestations, it’s healthy and important for children to witness the affectionate interplay between their parents. And I choose to follow this logic because I love my husband and enjoy being affectionate with him. I’m not trying to embarrass my kids. Or traumatize them for life. Or inspire them to write a tell-all book when they are older, chronicling the horror they witnessed as a child. I just want them to know that I love their dad and he loves me, which translates into both of us loving them. After all, without the love (and the icky stuff), they wouldn’t even be here. Which I sometimes point out to them, just to hear them squeal. Now, don’t get the wrong idea about us … we’re not animals. We do have self-control. We’re not just operating on baser instincts here. And sex isn’t all we think about. But sometimes, it seems as though we will never be able to be free to express our affection for each other without commentary again. And that’s a bit distressing.
Realistically, I know that the kids will (hopefully) all grow up and move out into the world to live their own lives. And that will bring the “alone” time my husband and I have given up through our child-rearing years. But, since we are facing another 18 years before that last one is scheduled to leave the nest, I have to wonder – “Will I be too old to enjoy private sexy fun time” when they’re gone? And so, I really want to bring private sexy fun time back into my life now.
The first step was to discuss my thoughts with my husband. He was in agreement that private sexy fun time was a good thing and we should try to have it. (Shocker, right?) Next, we had a brainstorming session regarding this goal, ranging from ‘let’s set up a tent in the back yard that will be just for us’ to ‘we need to buy a second house and we’ll move into that and leave this one for the kids’. Alas, since winter is fast approaching, the first option seems impractical. And because we operate on a ‘champagne taste with a tap water budget’, the second option is pretty out of reach, as well. Sooo … that leaves us with Plan C – intensive remodeling of the parents’ spaces, making them more separate and private AND remodeling the kids’ spaces, making them so comfy and cushy that they never want to venture into Mama and Daddy’s area. Well, not exactly – I mean, we do want to see them every now and again. But having a place where we can retreat (read: hide) from the children for some much needed private sexy fun time whenever we want … what can I say? Yes, please!
Marriage is tough. Being a parent is tough. Really, just being a grown up in general, is tough. And it’s so easy to lose focus of what makes us want to be a good spouse/parent/grown-up. We really need to do all we can to make sure we’re taking care of ourselves so we can take care of the others in our life who mean so much to us. Part of that means nurturing our marriage relationship so we provide a strong and stable foundation for those kids we had so much fun making, right? And if we get private sexy fun time before we’re on Social Security? So much the better!
